Mum's The Word
Labels: home life
Monday, September 03, 2007
Once in a while, a touchy or controversial topic would come up at this parenting forum I belong to. Mums (and the occasional Dad) will give their opinions, sometimes rather brutally, others thought provoking but never boring. It's always a real eye-opener to see how much greener (or not) the grass can be on the other side.
One such topic that arose a while back was The Stay At Home Mum vs The Full Time Working Mum. Well, I'm not here to proprogate my choice and condemn the other. I don't think it's a question of right or wrong, it's a matter of choice, whether personal or circumstancial. All I do know is, whatever path a mother chooses, the ultimate goal is how best to raise and provide for her child, be it within the four walls of the family home or a corner office with a view.
I can only speak for myself and my choice.
I am a stay at home mum. I choose to be one and this is how it came about.
Three months into our relationship, my husband (then boyfriend), started talking babies. OUR babies. Now, normally this is the signal for me to run as fast as my stilettoed feet will take me but he was different. I actually liked what I was hearing and from who. I wasn't prepared of course, but the very idea and the underlining significance it held..... I could most definitely see us together. Until I met my husband, I'd never thought about settling down - I was too busy living it up as a singleton about town. At the back of my mind, I always knew I'd have my picket fence in future but not right now. Now, I wanted to live my life to the fullest and then marrying The One with no regrets knowing I'd been there and done that.
As with what all sensible engaged couples do, we discussed our future, what we expected from each other and as a couple. One of the issues was children: how many, how best to raise him/her etc. I had this condition that if we were ever blessed with a child, I would like to become a full-time mum. I suppose my husband was pleasantly taken aback, since I'm the last candidate on earth suitable for such a role. You must understand at that point in time, I was completely undomesticated - completely useless in housekeeping or cooking with no leanings towards the maternal.
Why then would I choose something so opposite of who I was?
Well, I reached the moment in my life where I was ready to take the proverbial plunge. Everything felt so right and I was ready to start a new chapter with someone who, in my eyes, was my soulmate.
Call me old fashioned but when it comes to having children, I've always had this notion of "You make 'em, you raise 'em. Yourself." Now, I know in this day and age of the double income family, this is becoming more of a luxury than the norm. Financial reasons aside, some mothers choose to work for personal satisfaction and independence. I don't judge it, different strokes, different lives.
Looking back, rocky bits and a period of adjustment aside, I have to say I'm enjoying motherhood immensely. I have no regrets whatsoever. I treat it as I would a job in the commercial world. I set myself routines, goals and time-off. Heck, I even dress as if I was going to work. Not in power suits of course but nothing fuddy duddy either. I think it's precisely the way I've treated the situation, coupled with a lot of love, understanding and emotional support from my husband that have kept me through the times when motherhood got too much and I just wanted to dig a hole and pretend none of it ever happened. I must also stress I'm not the perfect mum. I have my kinks and I'm still learning how to be a better parent than the one I was yesterday.
So, here I am. A stay at home mum. What started as a sense of responsiblity has now blossomed into a full maternal love. Everytime I look at my son, or when he bursts into fits of spontaneous affection, it's a confirmation of a path well chosen. I don't know what lies ahead but we're definitely looking forward to it: my husband, my son and I.
The Dutchess of Cookalot whipped this up at 3:25 pm
LOL! I never really like to participate in SAHM/FTWM debate because there is simply no right to wrong.
: September 03, 2007 9:22 pm