The Good Wife's Guide
Labels: here and there, home life
Friday, October 27, 2006
Taken from Good Housekeeping, May 1955 issue. If you're a man reading this, you'd want to know who the author was. So you can clap him on the back and buy him a beer. If you're a modern woman, you'd want to know who the author was, too. Just so you can pulverize his back in 36 different places and buy yourself a cocktail after you're done. Of course I couldn't resist adding my 2 cents' worth:
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Check. I don't always plan ahead though, I prefer to play it by ear. Sometimes I go to bed thinking how nice it would be to have such and such a dish and wake up doing a 360, saying, nah, let's do something else instead.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
That I most definitely do but minus the ribbon. *haha* I do make it a point to touch up my make-up (yes, I wear make-up at home), brush my hair and straighten out my clothes before my husband comes home. I figure it's nice for him to come home to a well-groomed person. After all, I always looked well-put together when we first met. Why should it be any different after getting married and having a child?
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
In today's context, if I was gay, even if it was only a little, then yes, I would definitely be most interesting to him. For some reason, men enjoy watching women make out with each other. Even better when they can join in.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
Check. I do it because I personally feel there's nothing more annoying than coming home to the remains of a hurricane/tornado/6 year old's handiwork.
Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Check. I make our son clean up his stuff before 7pm each night. As for the dustcloth, only when it's needed or it's cleaning day. There are limits.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
I am sure my husband, upon returning home to find our entire house set ablaze, will have a sense of peace and tranquility. Which is most certainly going to happen if I ever attempt to light the fireplace. That's always been his job, anyway. I'll just stick to lighting up the stove, tea lights or scented candles, thank you very much.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Little horror is more like it. The author is obviously single and childless who's never witnessed the Terrible Twos and Threes, sometimes even Fours.
Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
In our household, we have what is known as the Welcome Party. I'm always there to greet my husband when he comes through the front door. And for most times, our son too. It gets a little crazy with the hugs and kisses and our son wanting his share of attention. So it's anything but quiet. Besides, quiet is not good in our family. It means that I'm either sick or sulking.
Be happy to see him.
Do we even need to be told this? I think if you are with the right person, it just comes naturally.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Check. He didn't marry a bottle of vinegar. I know of some women who's confessed both they and their spouses have reached a certain level of familiarity in their marriages where they take each other for granted. To the point where basic niceties are overlooked. That is so sad.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Check. I do that, not because my topics are any less important but I believe in timing. I let him unload first and after he's relaxed and in a more receptive mood, I start my spiel. Like why I need yet another pair of shoes and oh, I saw the most fabulous dress earlier on and damn, I put on an extra kilo, no thanks to water retention because it's That Time Of The Month. You know, that sort of thing.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Check. My husband works late every night, coming home only after 8pm. And that's if I'm lucky. He also has business dinners and travels all the time. It's been like that from day one so I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I decided I could live with it before signing on the dotted line so there's no reason to complain, is there?
Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Amen! I agree. When my husband compliments me along these lines, I take it as a sign of my success as a wife.
Don't greet him with complaints or problems.
Check. Again, timing is everything. I do have complaints and problems. I also have impeccable timing to get what I want. In this case, a listening and sympathetic ear.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Check. I can't tell you hom many times my husband's called home at the last minute to tell me this. After I've spent ages in the kitchen cooking. Yep. Of course I'm disappointed but I don't get mad or scream. What's the point? He's still not coming home anyway, not even if I have a meltdown. In fact, we both end up arguing which is stupid. I believe in picking my battles and this is not one of them. Besides, the uneaten food in question always becomes the next day's meal. That means I won't have to cook, which in turn means extra stitching time for me. See, there's always a silver lining if we look for it.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Does sending him down to the study to cave in the form of online gaming count? The flavour of the moment is Guild Wars. How about when I throw in a tall glass of beer as well?
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Uh-huh... and I'm Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
When I read this, I rolled my eyes so hard that they almost threatened to pop right out of my sockets. What the......?????!!!!!!
A good wife always knows her place.
I do know my place - I'm the Empress of these four walls and the land surrounding it. *snigger* Life is good.
I suppose this chauvinistic way of thinking was acceptable in the 1950s. Almost all married women stayed home to look after house and hearth and was financially dependent on their husbands. As in any society, money means power, hence the submissive role women played if they didn't have their own money. But times have changed. Wives are out there drawing the same, if not more income as their husbands. In some households, the women are the one paying most of the bills. As such, this so-called guide is offensive and demeans women in the domestic environment.
In our case, my husband brings home the bacon while I'm the one frying it. We've discussed all this before getting married and having a child. We decided that this was the best way for us. Besides, do you think it's easy frying bacon? One doesn't just slap it on the grill you know, if you get my drift.
Although I follow most of what the guide stipulates, it doesn't mean I'm subjugated. Not. At. All. My husband will attest that I'm nobody's doormat.*heh* Rather, I ask myself, if I were a man, what kind of wife and home do I want to return to and work towards that ideal. And no, I'm not the perfect wife, I have my moments. We all do.
Although I'm now financially dependent on him, my husband has never made me feel trapped or lacking in any way. He's never used money as a point of contention. He also knows I'm quite capable of earning my keep if I had to. I do what I do out of choice, love and respect for my husband. And I get love and respect in return. Isn't this what being married is all about?
The Dutchess of Cookalot whipped this up at 3:56 am
